Authentic sticker for Florida

So, last weekend I decided to take a drive through Florida, you know, to soak up that sunshine and maybe spot a gator or two. As I cruised along, I spotted a roadside stand showcasing some of the quirkiest souvenirs. Among sun hats and flamingo-shaped keychains, there was a sticker that read, “Legit Floridian — Gators and Grits.” Naturally, I had to buy it; I thought it would be the perfect addition to my collection of random road trip memorabilia.
After sticking it on the back of my car, I realized how absurd it is to declare myself a “legit Floridian” when the only wildlife I’ve interacted with so far was a seagull stealing my French fries. Imagine flaunting that sticker in traffic while my only credentials are that I’ve once sweated through an 80-degree day and can identify the difference between a palmetto bug and a regular cockroach. If that’s the bar for “legit,” I might as well start selling bumper stickers that say, “Unqualified Tourist with Extra Sunscreen!”