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I once ordered a pizza for what I thought would be a cozy movie night. When the delivery guy finally arrived, I was so excited that I flung open the door—only to slip on a rogue sock and land spectacularly at his feet. In my awkward attempt to get up, I managed to knock the pizza out of his hand, and it flew majestically in slow motion, landing face down on my welcome mat, the pepperoni splattered like confetti.
As I lay there, half pizza-faced and half mortified, the delivery guy burst out laughing and said, “I’ve seen a lot of things in this job, but this is a whole new level of ‘pizza delivery!’” In that moment, I realized that not only had I managed to ruin my dinner before it began, but I had also somehow become the unwitting star of my own slapstick comedy. We ended up sharing a laugh, and he graciously offered to re-deliver another pizza—this time with a complimentary side of laughter.
in Funny
Delivery finished.
D
Ah yes exactly as described in the medical textbooks
S
So, is that the dad’s hand or a janitor’s that comes complimentary with the baby
G
Thought Scruffy just cleaned toilets and boilers?
K
Don’t forget that one boiling toilet.
P
Fire him if’n you dare
K
Burlin’ turlet
C
and that one boiling toilet
D
Neither. It’s the mother’s inner hand, much like a person’s third eye: dormant until you awaken it.
Z
It’s Mark Henry’s and Mae Young’s kid. Put some respect on his name
D
Or the milkman?
W
They always say “push” but they don’t say who’s doing the pushing
G
“Thanks for the extra shove, mate! Job well done!” *^(\*shakes hand)* *”Ya got a torch, mate? If I find my keys, I can drive out of here.”*
P
Yeah, the stork reaches through to shake the doctors hand to celebrate a job well done.
T
– Worf, delivering Keiko O’Brien’s baby
D
“Pleasure doing business with you.”
S
If if it was a prostitute, “Business doing pleasure with you.”
G
“That’ll be a thousand dollars”
M
But that was just a hand job!?!
N
You forgot a couple zeros
J
No, that’s the handshake fee
S
Should have come out with a QR code for a delivery survey
D
“same time next month?”
C
The screens gonna ask you a question.
2
That was the mailman saying, ” Take good care of my kid.”
T
“Enjoy my little package. This handshake acts as your signature “
C
Strange he didn’t ask for an ID first.
L
Passkeys were set up in advance.
J
Years ago at a Christmas party, my very drunk great uncle went up to a family friend who both he and his wife are only 5″4′ and loudly exclaimed their child was going to be tall. He calmly stated “I don’t see how: we don’t have a milkman and the mailman is shorter than I am.”
A
Yeah, but the neighbor is 6’6″
B
Forbidden handshake
P
Thank goodness that the outside hand wasn’t pulled back in.
M
The uterus has to eat too, ya know.
J
Shit’s straight outta some Binding of Isaac fever dream.
G
Don’t give them ideas
T
I would not want to be a part of that exchange program
A
wait till y’all hear about emergency c sections where the nurse holding the baby’s hand in touches the doctors hand from the uterine opening
A
One of my best friends works for the manufacturer of these simulators, the pictures they send our group chat of all the simulated body parts are fucking wild. There’s more silicone gentiles lying around than an Amsterdam dildo library. Edit: I love spelling mistakes sometimes
I
> silicone gentiles Now that’s a golem of a different color.
R
> Amsterdam dildo library I am not looking that up. If it exists, I hope there is an amazing hygiene regimen.
F
There were so many genitals laying around that they went from genitals to gen – “tiles”.
A
Love it, not even correcting it
Z
I work at one of the simulation centers that buy these simulators. The number of times I’m carrying around a penis is well into the hundreds at this point.
W
That’s nice, but what does it have to do with where you work?
Z
We have a bunch of fake peni
P
Presumably uncircumcised
A
Oi vey
B
Hold up what is the Amsterdam dildo library
B
Wait so before the simulator can give birth they have to simulate the impregnation too?.. for medical training purposes of course? I guess that saves on the costs of making a simulated baby.
M
Watching my kid’s be born was a blur but it seemed like there where more hands than people
N
Up to twice as many!
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