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Title: My shoes disintegrated yesterday at a church funeral.
Yesterday, I was sitting in a stuffy church pew, trying to put on my best “I’m-so-sad” face for my neighbor’s grandmother’s funeral. Just as the priest began to speak about the dearly departed, I felt a strange sensation under my feet. Glancing down, I realized that my shoes were seriously falling apart—right there in front of everyone. One shoe had developed a full-blown split, and the other was shedding its sole like a molting snake. With each nervous shuffle, pieces of my footwear littered the carpet, forming a bizarre confetti of faux leather.
I’m pretty sure the only reason people held back laughter instead of gasps was that it was a funeral. I mean, who expected that “in memory of…” would include my tragic footwear? As I awkwardly bent down to hide the evidence, I accidentally knocked over the church’s ornate candle holder, which started a whole new wave of chaos. So instead of being a solemn reflection on life, it turned into a spectacle that could rival a slapstick comedy—complete with a wayward shoe flying across the aisle. A lesson learned: next time, I’ll skip the cheap knockoffs and invest in something that won’t embarrass me from six feet under!
I
This is actually more common than you think , even more so if those shoes are old. In the military it was always hilarious seeing people wearing their dress shoes for the first time in 10 years and their shoes essentially exploding when they did facing movements .
P
Dry rot. I needed steel toe shoes for a job and my dad had an extra pair he hadnt used in awhile. Yep exploded Happens to old tires too
T
Gonna be an obscure reference in the next Cars movie
P
Okay I love the Cars franchise as much as the next dad, but when I started paying attention, it got weird. Mater has all the characteristics of a serial killer, Lizzie is extremely racist and an absolute bigot, they all drink each other’s urine, the list goes on.
W
What
P
Cars spoilers ahead: Mater has car (body) parts strewn all over his property, he also is way too friendly for being a tow truck (driver) in the middle of nowhere. Lizzie has been known to call Ramone a lemon in the courthouse during Lightning McQueen’s trial. In the second movie lemon is used as a slur for certain disenfranchised vehicle makes. In the second movie Axelrod leaks oil (referenced as urine on multiple occasions) and blames it on Mater, who then rushes off to the bathroom to relieve himself. There’s also a scene in the same movie where Mater is a waiter for Lightning McQueen and Sally on their date. When Mater goes to the bar, the drinks are comprised of oil and other car related things. There’s also a reference to oil being waste in the second movie during the airport chase scene where one of the goons falls into the lavatory truck.
A
Ok, the first two points are horrifically valid, but isn’t that how it works for us with urine? They drink new oil, urinate old oil. I suppose a new species would look at us flushing toilets and say, “these fuckers drink each other’s piss!”
S
I for one am sick of being the middle man between input and output
D
Seconded. Start boycotting food & drink now!
A
The third one isn’t weird. They drink clean oil and excrete used oil, in the same sense you drink clean water and excrete used water in the form of urine.
M
I don’t know why, but the thought of someone getting genuinely so upset about having the Cars movies spoiled for them enough to warrant a disclaimer at the beginning of your comment is so funny to me.
D
Needed to hear the justification – but you’re not wrong. Mater is…. particularly chilling.
I
seconded
M
I like to think Mater is more in the business of prosthetics rather than collecting body parts
O
Cryin’ laughing over here, and I’m a full adult
P
This happened to a colleague on a job site recently! She wore her steel toes for the first time in years and they disintegrated as she walked. When I looked up the phenomenon after the fact, I learned that the rubber essentially breaks down if it doesn’t get flexed at all over a long period of time
C
Yup! Which is also why classic car enthusiasts will pay more for a vehicle with more (within reason) miles, because the rubber components break down, notably hoses and such. Using them helps keep the rubber from totally disintegrating and the heat cycles are important. My first shop teacher said something that sticks in my brain even a decade and a half later. “The worst thing you can do to a car is not drive it, the second worst thing is to drive it.”
S
Pretty much. My late FIL had a 59 Chevy he last drove in 1985. Sat in storage until 2010 when he passed away and it came to us. I didn’t really have time to mess with it so it (again) sat in storage until I pulled it out this past summer. Holy. Crap. Everything. Every. Single. Thing needs to be taken apart and anything that seals or flexes needs to be rebuilt or replaced. Going to be a multi year project.
P
I don’t know why, but the second part of that quote is hilarious to me
C
As a car enthusiast who recently bought a 30 year old car I can only agree. The first thing I looked at was the low mileage. The second was making sure the car has been driven a decent amount over the last few years.
T
I spend an absurd amount of time explaining to my customers why their 10 year old tires should be replaced as soon as they can get it done
M
I walked right out of the soles of an old pair of redwing king toes I had in my dad’s basement for 10 years. It was such a disorienting experience
L
Yeah people remember that plastic is forever but we forget that its actual usefulness lasts about the same as natural materials.
E
Rubber soles will last longer if they’re worn occasionally. It’s specifically sitting unused for a long time that degrades them so dramatically.
C
That’s because wearing the shoes flexes the material, stretches the fibers, and allows moisture in the environment to re-enter. Dry rot happens because, ya know, shit gets dry. Easily prevented by not letting that happen.
I
Less even, if it was a leather sole it’d be fine.
W
Nope, leather dry rots too unless it’s stored in the right conditions.
F
The “Bates blowout”… it happened like clockwork after ten years. It was like a timer went off and all our shoes disintegrated.
_
I work at an estate sale company. The amount of amazing vintage shoes I’ve seen disintegrate as someone tried them on for the first time in 20+ years, lol
R
Literally just happened to my husband at his board testing. He’s been in for 17 years and has had the same shoes since basic. They exploded when he walked out of the bathroom after getting his blues on. Luckily one of his friends let him borrow shoes!
P
Yeah, I didn’t know this common until it happened to me. I went to a show in 5″ platform boots, drove 45 minutes there, and after 3 steps out of the car the platforms started disintegrating. We had to go to a grocery store and buy duct tape to stabilize them so I didn’t break an ankle.
S
This exact thing happened to my dad at his mom’s funeral. You couldn’t tell but his socks were completely unprotected. Also it was cold snow outside and presumably the church floor wasn’t warm at all. He told me two days later and nobody had noticed anything. It was like the bottom had melted from standing in the sun for a few weeks. We laughed at it, hope you can later too.
L
The universe decided your dad wasn’t miserable enough, cold wet socks should do the trick.
S
That’s such a miserable situation, but I love that it turned into something you could laugh about later..
T
It’s also something so absurd that, in the moment, it can provide levity.
U
When my brother died suddenly I had to drive back to my parent’s house a few hours away. During the drive a truck on the highway flung a prybar up that smashed our windshield and sent powdered glass flying into my face. My wife and kids were screaming and freaking out, but I didn’t swerve or react or anything. My wife said I just said “huh” after everyone calmed down. Thankfully, we were almost to my parent’s exit. I ended up having to get my eyes flushed out, but if I hadn’t been so emotionally drained I feel like I would have panicked and wrecked the car. It was indeed so very absurd in the moment.
L
Ahhh, dissociation at its finest. I feel that.
S
Good god, man! Glad you were focused–intentionally or not.
C
It’s probably pretty common. Leather shoes can suffer from dry rot if left unused too long. People tend to buy or rent new fancy clothes to weddings.. but funerals tend to get the old closeted shoes. Because who wants to go shoe shopping after someone died?
D
This happened to me as well; I was going to the performance of our city’s orchestra. I pulled out seldom worn black leather wedge pumps. By the end of the evening I was walking around downtown in my nylon feet. Embarrassing since we were with another couple which were new “friends”. They asked me if I got my shoes at Goodwill. I was actually glad because it made me realize they were jerks.
S
I love when someone asks where I got something and I can say “At a thrift store it was only $5!”. If they are judgmental, then they kinda suck as a person and I don’t care if they judge me, but now I know they suck. If they are cool, then they are also excited about how not only was the item of clothing cool enough to compliment but also it was cheap and better for the environment by not being new.
L
I came from a pretty poor family and I married a man from a very rich family. It took me a long time to learn to stop doing that in front of his family because the judgment was so hard but I can’t stop being proud of not paying a fortune for things.
D
Sounds like they needed to learn to not be a pos about it from you.
S
It just means that they never had a reason to develop creative problems solving skills. Kind of sad.
D
“Oh we’re judging you so hard because you don’t spend $600 on a pair of shoes you can only wear once every couple of months” Oh gee willikers whatever shall you do if someone so shallow judges you like that? You get over them by climbing one stair.
P
I have found incredible stuff at thrift stores, in fact my everyday winter jacket cost $6, it was brand new. Dries fast and warm as hell, I enjoy telling strangers I paid $6 for it. It’s easily a $100 jacket.
S
Thrift stores are the best, especially locally owned. You can get the coolest things from them.
C
I was slightly dressed up the other day and a lady told me I looked nice and I was excited to tell her my dress cost $10 AND had pockets.
H
Yesterday my mom complimented my dress. I said “It has dragons on it! AND it has POCKETS!” Then I put my hands in the pockets, held the skirt out, and twirled. It was a very girl moment between us.
W
That’s how my new bestie and I bonded. I work at a high-end financial services office. I was complimented on my outfit at work. I smiled and said that I had gotten it at Goodwill. My coworker looked kind of shocked and disgusted and walked away. My other coworker was like “AWESOME. Have you been to the thrift store at X Street?” We met for an afternoon of Thrifting and lunch a few months ago and now talk almost every day. Who doesn’t enjoy a good thrift shop?!
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