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So there I was, standing in the grocery aisle, staring at a jar of pickles. I was debating whether to buy it or not when a random stranger walked up beside me and said, “Those are great! You should totally get them!” I turned to him, completely deadpan, and said, “Nah.” He looked at me like I just declared war on pickles. It was one of those moments where the absurdity of a simple choice turned into a showdown of culinary preferences.
The absurdity of a showdown over pickles, coupled with my dramatic “nah,” transformed an ordinary grocery haul into an impromptu comedy sketch. The dude’s face was a mix of shock and laughter, like I’d just thrown a pie in his face instead of dismissing a jar. I walked away with a smile, leaving someone else to wonder if I was secretly a pickle prophet denying the world its savory crunch!
S
Leaving you unable to decide if you should feel insulted or relieved lmao
D
One time I was waiting at the bus stop at night. I had my earphones listening to music on my mp3 player, an old and shitty one, when some guy with a hidden knife approached me and told me not to move. He reached inside my pocket looking for my phone, pulled out my old mp3 player and was like “tsk, forget it”. He tucked it back in and left. There were other people at the stop and I had no idea what to tell them when they asked me what did he steal lol
K
“What did he steal?” “Mostly just my dignity and pride.”
O
Jokes on him, I don’t have any of that
P
“He gave me a dollar, said I needed it more”
S
I forgot my backpack at a bar in my early 20s once. When I went back the next day the bartender had found my Sony Walkman and my CDs from my bag, but not the bag itself. Someone took them out, judged me, and then stole my bag.
M
So you’re saying a Walkman and an empty sack is worth an empty sack.
M
I knew a person that carried a crappy old smartphone with him, just in case if someone wanted to rob him, he would hand them that. Never happened but I found it funny he carried it all the time, just in case.
B
An ex of mine was robbed at gunpoint and the guy gave him his phone and wallet back because he didn’t want “no broke shit.” We were in college and he had an old generic tracfone android, no credit cards, no cash, just his student and work ID in his league of legends wallet and his house keys. Obviously traumatic, but he was also kind of tickled that this guy saw how broke he was and just went “nah.”
_
I hear stories like this, but then also know of a guy who got stabbed because he did not have anything worthwhile on him. Scares the shit out of me that some people are so unhinged.
N
I thought you were my ex until you said league wallet
C
Not quite the same, but i drive an absolute beater because it gets fantastic gas milage, insurance is negligible, and i can beat it up without feeling bad. One time i was at a stop light in downtown, and a homeless guy was walking through traffic, knocking on everyone’s window asking for change. He got to me, we made eye contact, then he just kinda shrugged and moved on to the car behind me without even trying me. Best/worst part was that i had actually already gotten my wallet out to give him a couple dollars because he had a dog with his stuff. I was throughly insulted.
P
Lol I’d like to share an experience that was in a similar vein but completely different. I was on the public bus, caught a dude checking me out in the corner of my eye. As I went to look at him, his gaze had fallen to my work shoes. He was enjoying the view until he saw my shoes 😂 But they were enough to push the full “nah” button. No name brand, caked in pizza flour, about used up. It’s not the last time someone implied my shoes were awful enough to lose interest.
R
First week of freshman year college my car window got broken – I’m assuming to steal the iPod and cigarette lighter-powered device that created a radio signal so I could listen to my music through the car speakers. I believe they broken in, realized the iPod was first gen (had buttons above and around the wheel!) and decided it was a piece of shit and just left it sitting in the broken glass pilings in the side seat.
A
It was me, hope you’ve got better stuff now
A
Why not both?
S
resulted
F
I used to live in an apartment in a bad side of town. I’m pretty snooty about liquor, so I tend to only stock good stuff; expensive stuff. Twice in one year, my apartment was broken into, and every bottle I had (20-30) was gone, except one: each time, they left the bottle of Dekuyper Peach Schnapps I keep on hand for when I make “girly” drinks (for guests). Them leaving that bottle was infinitely more shaming and disrespectful than breaking into my apartment and stealing my stuff. It was an outrageous insult.
J
In college I got a job helping cater for film crew shooting a commercial in some local wheat fields. Every morning we showed up early at the hotel where we got directions of where to go setup for the day. After several days of this I must of looked a bit haggard when one of the casting agents came down the stairs, looked at me and said “Are you an actor?” I said no and they replied “Pity, I do the casting for America’s Most Wanted and we could use people who look like you.”
Y
Chaotic neutral energy.
T
I was once moving my stuff cross-country in a UHAUL and on the last day of the drive, I walked to the truck from the hotel and discovered the lock had been broken off. I couldn’t believe it and almost started panicking. But then I saw nothing was taken. I felt relieved but then couldn’t decide if I should feel insulted. For my own pride, I decided they must have been interrupted before they could steal anything.
U
“Not everyone can pull this look off you know”
N
Relief is temporary, insult is forever.
M
I had security camera footage some years ago of a would be car thief looking through car windows, presumably to see what might be valuable inside. He looked inside the window of my car. I had a cassette player in the center radio section. He twisted his head away fast in disgust, as though he had sucked on a lemon and then been slapped by a hand across the cheek, and walked to the next car.
C
Thief sees the cassette player: “Oh damn, this bitch poor enough.”
G
Broke ass thieves having more morality than ~~billi~~ rich thieves.
W
It didn’t slay.
G
Nono it *did* slay. This convinced him to go buy one, as the respectable citizen he is.
N
He just wanted to try it on first
A
Phone snatchers when they realise you don’t have an iPhone.
C
“You bought an outdated Pixel? Here, have some of my cash. Have a better day.”
T
I came here for an explanation of the meme And left feeling attacked. -Sent from my pixel 6 pro
C
Shhh it’s ok. I have a 7 pro that needs to last for 2 more years to justify the cost after I was rudely told by net10 that I needed to buy a new phone because they all sat around laughing at my Honor 10.
L
I 100% know they gonna see my Sony Xperia and be like nah.
B
“B-but it has a headphone jack, SD card slot, and mechanical zoom lens! It’s more expensive than an iPhone!” *Thief walks away faster*
A
Wait, real shit?
T
Fuck apple and android OEMs for removing 3.5mm jacks.
S
Man, I’d love to have one of those phones but they just cost so much. Was going to buy an older model but they’re more than I’d be willing to pay for a more outdated processor.
S
Android users walking away untouched like its a poverty cloak spell activating in real time
N
Apple advertising really did a number on the gullible. Both phones cost the same, and iOS offers less RAM and no customization compared to Android, but Apple paid a bunch of influencers to talk incessantly about text bubbles. Now they’ve got an army of brainwashed teenagers buying Apple products because anything outside that ecosystem is too scary and complex. It was honestly a genius move.
E
One of my friends’ friends is an Apple fangirl and kept trying to win me over to her cult. It took sitting her down and showing her all the shit I could do on an Android to get her to shut up about it. For some reason, it was the keyboard that impressed her the most. Not sharing info between apps, not sideloading, not smartlock or individual volume… the friggin keyboard was the thing that clicked for her. Apple users, how shit is your keyboard?
R
Commented this on another post. Had my car broken into for the iPod, pretty sure the thief realized it was a 1st gen after breaking the window and left it on top of the glass in the passenger seat.
A
should have bring a plastic bag next time
M
Not for me, thanks.
H
About 10 years ago I rode my shitty bike to the neighborhood liquor store on a nice summer evening. I didn’t lock my bike because I was just going to pop in and out. When I walked out the front door my bike was gone and I was mildly annoyed because it wasn’t a nice bike in any capacity but I was only inside for like 2 minutes and now I had to walk home. I only made it about a half block down from the store and my bike was just laying out in the middle of the street with no one around. On the ride home I was trying to decide if riding that was an improvement over walking at all.
R
It clashes with the gun
B
Is this because the lady is broke or because the robber didnt like how the purse looked? lol
T
presumably the latter since he’s depicted putting it over his shoulder like she had it and it made him look too ladylike an actual purse snatcher would probably just grab it and take off but then again an actual purse snatcher probably wouldn’t use a gun. I don’t claim to be an expert or anything but it would be pretty stupid to use a gun for such low-level, low-yield crime; the potential punishment is way worse than using a perfectly serviceable knife.
F
They still use guns to threaten people for petty robberies. Purse snatchers specifically are more known for just snatching and running/riding off.
L
One time, my sisters were going to taco bell and I asked them to get me a cheesy double beef burrito. On the way home they saw a homeless man begging and offered him my food. He took it, asked what it was, then wrinkled his nose and handed it back. My sisters thought it was so funny. I was just like “the guy just doesn’t like the same food as me. So what?”
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