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Last Saturday, I decided to take my dog, Max, out for a stroll in the park. As we were enjoying the sunshine, Max spotted a squirrel. In an instant, he turned into a gazelle, sprinting with the grace of a ballerina chasing its dreams. I tried to keep up, but apparently, I’m not as light on my feet. I ended up tripping on my own shoelaces, which somehow turned into an awkward dance move that sent me rolling onto the grass.
As I lay there, winded and slightly embarrassed, I looked up to see Max proudly showing off his catch—a stick, not a squirrel, just as a couple nearby burst into laughter. They definitely weren’t laughing at my elegant tumble but rather at Max, who had found the world’s largest stick, dragging it triumphantly as if it were the Holy Grail. In that moment, my bruised ego gave way to affection; nothing says “I love you” like your dog bringing home a stick bigger than himself while you lay there questioning your life choices.
F
im allergic to cats so i ignore them. that really gets their attention tbh
U
I’ve had a couple cats now that lived like that dog in the comic. Just sashay about the party, find the person who least likes cats, and just spawn camp their tolerance with love and affection. Most often, Ivan found the person who was the most allergic to cats.
A
I read that attention from strangers actively repels cats because it makes them feel stalked. People who are not interested in cats ignore them which makes them feel safe, so those are the people cats are most interested in.
W
They basically like to approach at their own pace.
F
that’s cool but GET AWAY FROM ME KITTY!
F
The one time on the internet that make direct eye contact and ASSERT DOMINANCE is real advice.
C
Instructions unclear, the cat is now on my lap and I must scratch despite feeling my bronchioles close up slowly with every brush .. you know what, it’s fine. if this is how I go this is how I go.
A
Don’t forget to T-pose!
T
Same as Women
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T
Lol, you found the happily married greybeard with kids. Nothing turns women off quicker than being over-eager and all over them. Young dudes need to chill out, be themselves, treat the women they meet like actual human beings, and let things happen at their own pace. y’know.. like you would with a cat.
P
> Young dudes need to chill out, be themselves, treat the women they meet like actual human beings, and let things happen at their own pace testosterone says no and its quite loud
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T
Of course not, and making any comment on reddit about 51% of the world population is always going to be a staggering generalization, but I’m also not trying to encompass the entirety of the worlds interpersonal interactions in a 3 word reddit comment. Are there some women out there that want you to “puppy dog” them? yea.. probably.. I guess. I don’t think I’ve met any, but I haven’t tried to date all 4.3 billion women. But in the general, I don’t think it’s an unfair generalization to say that not being “stalkerish” and being chill till the person of your affection is ready to reciprocate is a winning strategy. Try not to be reductive to score stupid internet points.
B
That is exactly what they want. Cats don’t like it when people approach them so the person who is not engaging with them is the most appealing.
F
Cats: Ah yes the one who sneezes near me. Thats my person now.
M
Same. Allergic and when people have cats I stay as far aaway as possible and then they keep coming to rub up on me and I am like “GO AWAY!” and then…they just won’t stop.
L
Cats don’t like direct contact, they don’t like people yelling at them and bearing teeth, they don’t like when people grab them.
D
Same Me: ignores cat because I’m allergic to them and don’t like them. Every Cat: so I can tell you were wondering exactly what my butthole looks like, let me just jump in your lap and show it to you real quick.
X
[KITTY!](https://www.egscomics.com/comic/2003-01-28)
D
Same but with women.
F
well cats are girls. dogs are boys. so that checks out.
S
It’s annoying. I am a thirsty ass bitch with anything cute and furry. Dogs love it. Cats clock me too easily.
T
Generally people try to approach cats the same way they do with dogs, happy voice and directly focused on them. Cats generally do not like that reaction from strangers. They want the reaction that the stranger recognizes that the cat is there and doesn’t care that it is there. It’s a “ok this thing hasn’t clocked me as food, isn’t threatened by my presence, and won’t challenge me for my territory.” thing. It lets them place you in the category of “animals I don’t have to keep track of.” If the cat figures out that you are intentionally ignoring it, rather than is unaware of it, it places you into that category, and will feel more comfortable with you.
T
yeah man
A
Cats love it when you leave them alone.
A
hmmm works for other species and our own aswell
B
Same they come and sit on your feet
T
Yup. Same.
E
“Pretending they don’t want it means they earned it.”
S
My cat is weird. She’s always in the mood. For Pats and cuddles.
T
She is*
D
Congratulations, you expanded on a contracted word that means the same thing as what you said and added nothing to the conversation.
T
It’s a haiku with my correction, it was 5, 6, 5 with the contraction, and 5, 7, 5 without it, thanks for your thoughtful response though, of course you have to pronounce weird as 2 syllables on purpose
J
Autism, huh?
T
lol
T
So you made that first comment with the assumption that people can read your mind? You either need to stop taking drugs, or start taking them
T
I made the comment knowing someone would ask about it and then i would clarify as a response and then people who see it for the first time have a chance of figuring it out for themself still which is fun and rewarding when you figure out something that isnt explained, and I agree we should all do more drugs
O
The problem here is that you seem to believe you are issuing a correction. This post has nothing to do with haikus (at least it didn’t until you introduced the concept yourself), so making a reply to it that is not a haiku is not a mistake. You are the one who has made the mistake by thinking you are correcting something when it wasn’t wrong in the first place.
T
There is no problem here, its people exchanging light hearted comments on a message board. Im sorry youre having a tough time with it.
K
you’re /s Agreed it’s just reddit. Really easy to just be nice.
I
Don’t worry, the downvoters are ironically the most rule-obsessed ones and are miffed about something that literally doesn’t matter at all. I mean, this subreddit is the bottom of the barrel, but you’ll still, always, find people going “but it’s off topic!” or “you’re technically wrong!” And write some dissertation about why you shouldn’t have commented Basically the person above you is trying to intellectualize your enjoyment of haikus, which is hilarious because it shows their incredibly impotent imagination and cognitive empathy Inb4 – “well they shouldn’t have formatted their comment as though it was a correction” I don’t care
D
This is a haiku You cannot pronounce words wrong Just to make them work
T
yes you can i did, who are you to make the rules, haikus are meant for all
–
In that case I decide the “always” was pronounced with 3 syllables so actually you never needed to correct anyone in the first place.
M
If you want to make it a haiku just reply with a Haiku.
R
I like the cut of your jib, guy
S
I like your style, down voters y’all are dramatic lol
S
Bro just learned how English works
D
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