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**This is how I protect myself**
So there I was, minding my own business at the grocery store, when I spotted a large, suspicious-looking shopping cart headed my way. It was wheel wobbly and seemed to have a mind of its own—definitely not a cart you’d want to mess with. In a moment of sheer impulse, I dove behind the nearest display of cereal boxes like I was evading a secret agent. I crouched there, peeking out like a covert operative, and awkwardly whispered my grocery list to the Cocoa Puffs.
I mean, who knew that all it took to feel like James Bond was a rogue shopping cart? As I huddled there amongst the Frosted Flakes, I realized my battle plan was hysterically flawed. Just then, a kid walked by, laughing at the spectacle of an adult camouflaged behind a cereal aisle, and I felt a wave of shame wash over me. Turns out, the only danger I was dodging was the imminent social embarrassment of being seen hoarding honey-flavored oats like they were gold bars. Who needs self-defense classes when you can just shop like a ninja?
in Funny
Here’s how I keep myself safe.
Y
100% psychic damage
_
Assailant liked that It’s not very effective…
H
I’d say it’s especially effective if the assailant enjoys it. Use that to your advantage…
A
Kick em in dick >:3
H
Grip his dick an’ twist it! The ole’ dick twist!
R
It’s super effective.
P
using your tongue?
A
Lick was super effective!
N
emotional damage~
G
That kid’s got this whole martial arts thing licked!
2
Everything’s cool until they say do that again
J
“Ooh yeahh! Ooooh yeahh!”
C
Make it moist!
A
Right in between the fingers!!
F
Or you take one to the chin while it’s hanging outside your head.
I
Everyone’s gangsta till a new fetish is discovered.
L
He has many siblings.
S
Never fails to make me laugh 🙂
L
So many good subs to link lol, r/FixedByTheDuet, r/bullshido
L
The first guy is definitely special forces. It’s like high quality wine: you know it’s high quality when they write it on the bottle.
R
Can confirm, this technique works with my wife. 🤕
D
My daughter went through a phase of licking my hands (she’s 7) One day, I told her “jokes on you, I didn’t wash my hands after the bathroom” She hasn’t licked me since
7
One of the best fighting techniques I’ve seen in a video besides running away was a dude just dropping trou and acting crazy.
D
Just get completely naked, nobody wants to fight a naked man.
T
Unfortunately not the best advice for a woman… but I’ve read that shrieking like a banshee and acting crazy with big eyes worked for someone
R
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytPIuzNkMQY The dude that rips his shorts off and is wearing a banana hammock?
S
The shit eating grin at the end lmao
P
\+10 Poison Damage \+50 Psychological Damage
M
Spitting works too. Had a guy do that before and I with zero hesitation just hocked one right in his face. He still threw a punch at me but the delayed reaction was worth it.
F
I like that one video where a woman pulls out a lighter
M
Used lick. Super effective.
S
Had a mate give me an atomic wedgie in BJJ. That made me shift quick! Sometimes the old ways are the most effective.
H
say “Yes Daddy” before licking
Y
This video is by @ uberkuloz on instagram btw
N
Emotional Damage!
C
Act weird, lick them, start getting naked, etc. That should deter most people in this position.
D
Cooties!
K
haha >> might actually work
E
Mega Gengar used Lick! It’s super effective!
S
Loved it!
Y
why do i fell it in my soul…
P
It’s a legitimate strategy.
D
Tongue type pokemon
U
My friends know not to fuck with me because I will ALWAYS lick them.
R
Unorthodox tactics are usually very effective.
I
Lick lick like lickitung! 100% disgusting damage
C
[I’m not a fighter, I’m a jerker](https://youtu.be/rgfwCi7H0o8?si=-yKZ_CfeQ7Y-0byK&t=24)
S
lol 😂
L
Another approved method is saying: “harder daddy!” in 70% of cases they will get weirded out and proceed. in 30% of cases they will take 1000 hit points psychic damage, question their sexuality or their social status and you got enough time to run away. **CHOOSE YOUR POISON**
J
🤣🤣🤣
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