FML
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I tried to compliment my date’s shoes, but instead I accidentally asked if she was wearing them ironically. Now I’m not sure if she’s mad or just confused, but either way, I definitely won’t be getting a second date.
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I was at my buddy’s birthday party, and someone suggested we play charades to get the night going. Naturally, the first word was ‘vampire,’ and I dove in, doing my best fang impressions, flailing around. People were laughing, and I was riding the confidence wave until someone shouted, ‘No way! That’s a zombie!’ Everyone cracked up, and I had a moment of panic. I thought, ‘Wait, am I even performing right?’ I went with it, pretending to eat brains but ended up scaring the dog instead. The party halted as I realized I might have just traumatized the poor thing, and who knows what everyone thought of my acting skills?
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I finally got invited to a party at my friend’s apartment. When I arrived, the vibe was instantly different; everyone was laughing, drinking, and I felt like I stepped into an alternate universe. I tried to join a group playing beer pong, but when I casually tossed the ball, it ricocheted off the table and hit a girl right in the face. Cue the room going silent, eyes turning to me, and I blurted out, ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to!’ She started laughing and said, ‘It’s fine! Just a free shot!’ I thought my embarrassing moment was salvaged until my friend whispered, ‘That’s the girl who broke up with our friend last week.’ Uh-oh.
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I was at an outdoor concert with a bunch of my friends, and the energy was electric. We were near the stage when I spotted him—a guy I thought looked super cute in the crowd. Mustering all my courage, I turned to my friend and said loudly, ‘I think I’m going to go talk to that cute guy over there!’ But instead of hearing ‘cute,’ they heard ‘suit,’ and the whole group erupted into a chorus of laughter. By the time I realized what happened, I was already committed and walking toward him while they shouted ‘Go get that suit!’ I froze halfway there, realizing he was just wearing a T-shirt, and I awkwardly waved and turned back, feeling my cheeks burn.
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I thought my magic trick would impress everyone. Except my younger brother shouted, ‘Mom, he’s just hiding the dog under the table!’ in front of the whole family.
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At the big family dinner, I proudly announced that I made the mashed potatoes. Turns out I forgot to add butter, and my dad just smiled and said, ‘Healthy, right?’
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At the gathering, my aunt called me by my childhood nickname, ‘Booger.’ I had almost forgotten about it until everyone started laughing, and I just—awkward pause—wished the floor would swallow me.
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I thought it’d be funny to chug a drink during a toast. Turns out, I misheard the countdown and started before everyone else. I was halfway through when my best friend elbowed me, whispering, ‘We’re not toasting yet!’ My cheeks burned, and everyone was just staring.
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I overheard two strangers chatting about their favorite movies, and I thought I’d jump in with my own favorite. I misheard the guy’s accent and suggested a film that had nothing to do with his conversation. He looked at me like I was speaking Martian. Note to self: always listen closely.
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I finally worked up the courage to ask someone to dance at a friend’s party. I took a deep breath and as soon as I got their attention, the music stopped. Like, completely. The awkward silence felt like an eternity, and I just waved awkwardly and backed away real slow.
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During Thanksgiving, my dad decided to give an impromptu ‘life lesson’ about my love life to the whole table, and, um, I’m still trying to figure out how to come back from that.
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