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Last week, I finally gathered the courage to ask my crush out. I had rehearsed all day, and by the time I approached her, I was sweating like a drum. Instead of simply saying “no,” she whipped out a water bottle and started pouring it over her own head, dramatically declaring, “I HAVE A PUPPY TO FEED!” The worst part? I now have a mental image of her wearing a dog collar while I was just trying to go to dinner.
The classic advice suggests that rejection is the ultimate fear, but now I fear spontaneous puppy parenting even more! Who knew saying no could come with its own comedy show? I ended up laughing harder than if I’d just been told, “Thanks, but I can’t go out with you.” At least now I know; next time I’ll stick to asking if she prefers cats or goldfish.
in Funny
I dislike it when people claim that the worst thing a girl can say is no.
S
Every clip I see of this guy gets more blurry….maybe I need to see the eye doctor. Nice set though.
A
My grandpa used to say everyone around him had too much to drink because he could hardly see them. He also knew that a nice lawn made a great place to lay down and puke for a little while so you can get back into the action at midnight without skipping a beat.
W
I’m detecting a spot of alcoholism
3
Reminds me the caller who called in a radio show. The question was who would you swap bodies with for a day and the man calls in and says Savannah James, **so I could call LeBron, Daddy**.
M
Sounds like a rational guy
L
Fucking hilarious. Good stuff, man
M
Thanks!
T
That was funny. Good punchline at the end.
L
There is a lot going on here. And it’s great
S
The biggest travesty in this set is that when you said Willy Wonka the crowd laughed so hard they didn’t hear the “if he was a pussy” part which makes it infinitely more funny.
M
I regret not waiting SO much
A
“Willy Wonka if he was a pussy!”. Alright. What does that mean? Because you’re not wearing a hat?
M
Because I’m a pussy
A
Don’t think Willy Wonka really factors in then. Guess it doesn’t really land properly.
C
Better than 99% of the sets on Kill Tony lol, regulars included. Your delivery cracked me up dude.
P
That bar is so low it’s basically just an insult.
C
Eh take it as you will it was meant as a compliment. If this guy is a professional then my bad but I’ve never heard of him before.
A
OP just spamming his own clips now?
M
Am I not allowed to post my own stand-up comedy
A
Stealth astroturfing isn’t conducive to appeal.
P
Stealth? Hardly “stealth” if he uses his own account. 😆
A
Stealth in the sense he’s posting to subs multiple times a day with titles that make it sound like he’s just stumbled upon the clip.
P
Spamming. That’s the word you are looking for. If it was actually stealth, you shouldn’t be able to obviously tell it’s the same person posting his own clips repeatedly.
A
> Spamming. That’s the word you are looking for. uhh… Yeah. That’s kinda why I used it, champ.
P
For sure. Just reiterating. No need for any stealth. There’s as much stealth here as a bull in a china shop.
W
At this point would it be fair to say that you’ve joined the ranks of people who hate you? I can’t think of anyone who likes themself acting the way that you do, I’m not even roasting you at this point, I genuinely feel sorry for you. Hopefully you’ll find a way to become a positive person because it’s like working out or eating healthy food. It sounds terrible when you’re lying on the couch farting out bio hazards, but one you get into it you feel better. I guarantee that you’d enjoy your life more if you stopped being a storm cloud.
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