I was stopped by the police last night, and my wife left this note on our front door.

**What Happened:** Last night, I got pulled over for speeding. Not even racing down the street like a madman—just trying to keep up with a minivan that looked suspiciously like it was late for a PTA meeting. The officer was pretty chill, but as he walked back to his cruiser, I noticed something on the front door when I got home—a note from my wife.

**Why It’s Funny:** It simply read, “If you’re going to get pulled over, at least wait until you’re behind the wheel of my car! It doesn’t have a ‘speeding ticket’ feature.” Now, I can’t figure out whether she’s more upset about my driving or the fact that I didn’t think to borrow her spotless sedan. But hey, at least I know that if I keep racking up tickets, I might as well get some upgraded insurance on her car while I’m at it!