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Last Saturday, I decided to throw a dinner party to impress my friends with my cooking skills (or lack thereof). Everything was going smoothly until my neighbor, a particularly friendly golden retriever named Benny, decided he also wanted to join the fun. With a cheerful bark and a wagging tail, he burst through the open door and immediately headed straight for the charcuterie board, mistaking it for a dog feast. As I tried to shoo him away, my guests erupted in laughter when Benny nonchalantly snagged a slice of salami and trotted off, oblivious to the chaos he had caused.
It was a classic case of miscommunication—here I was, trying to set social norms about not stealing food, while Benny had clearly missed the memo on “party etiquette.” It’s like he interpreted our gathering as an open buffet instead of a formal dinner. Watching my friends doubled over in laughter as I stood there, half horrified and half amused, was the highlight of the evening. Now, whenever someone mentions social cues, all I can think about is the time a dog schooled me on how to really enjoy a party!
C
I had boss like this she tried to bully each and every employee but with me it didn’t worked because I tought she was joking all the time so she just stopped at some point. But also I never treated her seriously so maybe that was the reason.
B
I thought someone was super sarcastic once because they kept saying the stupidest, most hateful stuff and I just assumed they where making fun of people like that. Nope, they where actually the stupidest most hateful person I had ever met. I even straight up asked them to clarify if they where being sarcastic at one point…
D
This was my mother-in-law. For a long time I thought we had a sarcastic, witty rapport, but it turns out she was just trying to be mean with ‘plausible deniability’. Eventually she got so frustrated with me that she just told me what she thought of me straight up. It was a bit of a mind-fuck to have 5 years of comments instantly re-contextualized. ‘Oh, she’s not funny. She’s just a bitch.’
A
This kind of thing would mess my head up. Jesus. Five years?!
A
It’s at that point I would say “well Janet, when it comes time to figure out your sunset years, I’ll be helping make many of those decisions. Let me know if you have any special requests.”
I
It’s funny, I’ve been in a simular situation and it really pisses them off if you keep being nice to them.
R
Kill ’em with kindness. I actually learned this in sports growing up, if you have an opponent that’s an asshole being extra nice will generally put them on tilt and take them off their game.
D
When I went to work in a call center for the first time, my trainer said this line. My god it works. When they are being assholes and you’re just responding with positive energy, it either causes the person on the other end to explode and leave (if they were just trying to be an asshole) or they start to feel super guilty because they are being a POS and you’re still on the other end being chipper and upbeat in a “let’s get this resolved” way and I had MANY people who started off yelling and screaming get really soft and apologize halfway through calls.
G
Works as a teacher working with kids too. Nothing boils their blood more than you being nice to them when they are being a lippy little shit.
A
Yeah, it’s definitely a saying for a reason. All you have to do is put yourself in the shoes of the bully, agitator, or shit stirrer. “Hey, dweeb, are you scared without your mommy?” “Huh? Why?” “Because you’re a baby! Babies need their mommies!” “Um, but I’m not a baby. I don’t understand what you’re getting at.” “Whatever, loser.” “I’m a loser? Bro, I have no idea what you’re talking about, but whatever you say.” “You’re not mad?!?!???!” “Huh? Why?” “Ahhhhhh! I hate you. I’m gonna go pick on someone else.” “Yeah, okay. You do you, girl.”
D
Coincidentally, her name is Jan.
C
My ex in laws were like that. It took me a long time to realize their ‘jokes’ were just mean comments…. Then I started standing up for the people they were making fun of and I became public enemy #1 to them
D
Yeah, calling them out on their bullshit is literally the worst thing you can do in their eyes. So disrespectful!
L
That sounds like my relationship to my mom.
D
Yeah, I guess that’s what happens when you keep giving someone the benefit of the doubt. Up to that point I was really just trying to make my in-laws proud of me. But after the crazy shit she said, it was obvious that was never going to happen. Things were never the same after that.
P
Imagine trying to be mean with plausible deniability and getting mad that your meaness was denied plausibly.
D
Ha! I never looked at it that way. What she wanted was to hurt me, or put me in my place. But if I ever were to take offence at what she said, she’d just say ‘I never meant it like that!’. She totally meant it like that.
H
That’s when you look her dead in the eye and say “Yeah well I’m gonna go fuck your daughter, and you can go and fuck yourself.”
D
I wish I had done something dramatic, but I was just so blindsided I didn’t know how to react. I tried to make a joke of it, but she literally said, ‘I’m serious!” and then reiterated all of her points about what a failure I was. In my office. Of the business I owned. Like WTF?
T
That must’ve felt awful. I have to admit, I’m super curious — how did your SO react to all of this?
D
She always played the middle-ground and tried to keep the peace. At the end of the day, that didn’t work. We’re divorced now.
I
I knew a guy in college who used to pick on me. I thought he was joking too until one day he told me to shut up and if we were on an island and he had a gun with two bullets that he would put both of them into me. A year or so later he hit on me at a mutual friend’s party. I think he had always been attracted to me but he was mad about it and that’s why he was so mean to me. I was/am fat but I’m also pretty. Certain men tend to get really mad at me for being attracted to me.
2
What a jerk…
A
>Certain men tend to get really mad at me for being attracted to me. That really sounds like they are trying to do the redpill-type negging thing because they are actually attracted to you, and are banking on you having low self esteem for being overweight that they can exploit. I say this to explain that they are assholes. Well-adjusted men get over the “he picks on you because he likes you” phase – if they ever had one – before high school.
I
I’m not talking about negging. I’m talking about actual rage. I’m not naive, I know the difference. It’s the same rage men have when they find out a woman they are attracted to is trans.
A
That is… significantly worse, actually. Sorry you have to deal with that.
I
It’s fine now. I’m in my 30s and in a happy relationship. And it is one of those things I didn’t see the pattern till later. But yeah, lots of bullying and threats from men who clearly wanted to fuck me but were ashamed of it.
U
I had that happen with a friend too. I stoped being friends with them, but damn I felt dumb. I thought they were really funny. lol
B
I guess its like the inverse of how so many conservatives end up liking cobert because they can’t tell he is actually being sarcastic about everything.
L
I was a cigarette smoker and there were a lot of ex-military and usually conservative people at the smoking area at my job. We got along well, and part of it was that I thought they were joking much or the time, and would join in. Actually, one time I was invited to a guy’s place on a Sunday and when I showed up, saw enough bumper stickers, even types of vehicles that I realized I would feel out of place. For all I knew, it could have been a klan meeting, I stopped looking for a place to park and went to a movie.
S
I have a classmate in college whom I have not seen in years reached out through Messenger and apologized to me for bullying. I didn’t know I was being bullied, I thought he was just joking.
V
Had one of my platoon sergeants in the army message me on facebook, apologizing for being mean to me like 15 years ago. I was shocked because he was one of the NICER leaders I had, yeah he’d cuss at you or call you an idiot if you messed up but by Army standards those are terms of endearment. The actual mean motherfuckers skipped the cussing and yelling and just put you on extra duty because they could.
W
Yea, I feel like the fourth panel could say “yea, it drove them crazy!”
R
The difference between “that’s why they continued” and “yea, it drove them crazy” is the whether you think they’re hurting you by accident, or if you’re not hurt and just assume they’re either sarcastic or clueless themselves.
B
Oh it 100% would work as well in the 4th panel, have some mental stuff that makes it hard for me to pick up on social cues and I inevitably do what the OP of this comment did with both toxic staff and clients wanting to be bullies.
L
OP has the hard truth line. Yours is the comedic truth.
K
>But also I never treated her seriously This is actually fatal to some people.
A
My wife is the opposite. Something said that’s not mean at all gets interpreted as an insult all the time
F
It would seem we’ve married the same person… can I get Tuesday’s? Friday’s are busy for me.
F
Literally the same for me. When I started I didn’t realise she was a bully. She doesn’t do it as much now and it’s probably because I also thought she was joking.
E
This is exactly it. In 6th grade there was a pair of kids that discovered bullying with me, no physical violence, just teasing that pushed boundaries. One day they decided “45 degrees” was the funniest shit ever, I would just stand there like “what” and they would fall all over themselves laughing, that was kinda the day I decided bullying didnt effect me anymore. I stopped reacting and they stopped finding it fun. If THIS was the basis for bullying, that it could be literally anything just to make themselves laugh or feel superior, then it doesnt affect me. “Haha beanpole” yes, I am tall, “Youre an idiot” good thing I’m too stupid to feel bad, “Nobody likes you” boy do I have a surprise for you about your own reputation.
U
I think this is why I didn’t have issues with bully’s growing up. lol I was not a fun target because I didn’t get upset.
W
Yea to me it feels like the fourth panel could be “yea, it drove them crazy.”
B
Most bosses like this are used to everyone being a pushover. If you stick up for yourself most of them will start leaving you alone. They don’t know how to handle someone who isn’t afraid of them.
V
Not picking up on social cues isn’t particularly central to ADHD though, is it?
S
No it isn’t, it’s more an autism thing
K
Exactly. Just a case of comorbidities and the blurriness of the ND spectrum. Didn’t realize till after my ADHD diagnosis that it really isn’t a binary do/don’t have it diagnosis but more of a general “If you’re somewhere in this vage blurry cloud on this 3D multi-axis graph you probably have it”. Expression varies a lot even with similar symptom presentation.
L
Try telling my girlfriend that.
M
Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD are closely related neurodevelopmental conditions that frequently co-occur (sometimes called AuDHD) So while it’s more directly linked to Autism, enough people have both that it can often end up being viewed as part of ADHD
H
If you just have one of them, they look very different. ADHDers are neurotypical in a social sense but easily stressed. Autists are not typically social.
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