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A young man found himself in prison after an unfortunate misunderstanding involving a doughnut shop and a runaway police horse. He was innocently trying to impress his friends by “liberating” an abandoned box of doughnuts, which, in his defense, were calling his name better than any bakery ever had. Just as he picked it up, a police horse, spooked by a nearby balloon, decided that this might be the perfect moment to gallop through the shop, narrowly avoiding the doughnuts but leaving the young man tangled in the chaos and arrested for “unlawfully attempting to steal pastries.”
It’s not every day you hear about someone ending up in prison because of a pastry-loving horse and an old box of doughnuts! The absurdity of the situation—who knew that a horse could have such a knack for timing?—left his jailmates in stitches, especially when he tried to defend his actions by saying he was just “enriching the doughnut economy.” So, instead of being the tough guy in prison, he became the unofficial jester, telling his tale over and over until even the guards couldn’t help but chuckle.
G
I read a meme on Facebook that read the following three: A mortgage is three decades. If you rob a bank, you get out in two decades. Follow me for more life pro tips.
S
What bank keeps 500K in cash nowadays? Certainly not the ones around me.
U
And they usually want you to give back the money you stole for some reason.
S
Naaah, me paying for a shiny new house in cash won’t raise any red flags… Right?
T
Just say your hiding a human trafficker for the president and you’ll be fine.
G
Also, if engaging in prostitution, then just tell the police that one of you is a porn actor.
N
Or that you’ve been to Epstein Island.
G
There is no Epstein list and I have never been there, but I can still confidently name my enemies who have been there. /s
J
As long as you mark it on your taxes you should be fine
G
“Whoo hoo! No student loans!” *^(\*Just restitution to the victims.)*
R
Unless you’re a company. Then you can you just pay a small fine that’s less than whatever it is you stole.
T
Cost of doing business. It’s insane. You can illegally obtain millions, pay less than 10% of what you obtained in fines. One person might go to jail, but the company moves on with the rest. Should be that the company must return all illegally gained proceeds, then be fined on top of that, and people potentially face jail time.
N
That’s not fair. Just look at Shrekli
O
And that’s why they wheel the stairs up to the plane these days.
T
We usually only had a few thousand at a time when I worked in a bank in the early 2000s. Getting into the vault is where the real cash is but that’s only something they do in movies. Takes too long in real life.
G
Inflation has exceeded the replacement of cash by debit and credit cards tho.
T
Yeah I suppose the keep closer to 5-7K in a drawer now due to inflation. Fun fact the only time we got robbed back in the day JUST HAPPENED to be right after the largest cash depositor came in to deposit like 10K in cash. I often wonder if they followed the guy in or if that was just a very lucky bank robber.
M
Maybe they were tipped off? Or just got lucky overhearing some information..
R
When I worked at a bank a few years ago (before Covid to after) we were able to keep up to 25k in the drawer I also was in charge of the vault and during Covid and we got up over a million at one point, but around 5-600k was the normal
T
That is crazy. Yeah around the turn of century if we have over 2 or 3K we had to get it to the vault.
R
Yeah the 25k was max, but preferred to keep it around 10k. Was a large national bank, but a smaller branch
P
🔫gimme all the money in the computer now!
S
*beep boop* please enter pin code *beeeep*
G
The amounts for different mortgages (or at least their 20% down-payments) vary. If it is a three-decade mortgage, then remaining 80% per month is probably not all that much. Also, the FDIC and NCUA still ensure people at most $125,000 per person in cases of unrecovered robberies and going out of business, so that would be four wealthy clients at a bank or credit union.
M
A 20% down payment must suck. Mine was 3% and my state had a 1st time home buyer program so I didn’t even pay that
D
I am in the US, I used a first time home buyer program. I went through Navy Federal. I had to put 0% down. I had $10k in cash for a $350k house so I could cover closing costs (worked out to under $8k). I did not have PPI or any other punishment. My wife and I combined made ~$175k a year. We had credit scores over 700 at the time (closer to 800 now), etc. This was PRE-COVID!
F
Not sure where you got this information from… Its $250M and has been for close to 20 years. Also, there are various “types” that realistically allow over a $1 million pretty easily. Every bank/CU has insurance against this kinda thing. They prefer to not file, but failure? Sure they’d have to I can guarantee since at least 1933 no bank has failure because of a cash robbery. Wires… thats where the failure can happen…
T
In Gelsenkirchen, Germany, there was recently a breakin at a bank. The estimated value they robbed is between 30 – 100 million euros.
U
You’d have to pay it back probably, or they’ll be on your ass when you get out so can’t use it. It’s more that you get 20 years of “rent” free…
N
500K?! Well look at you splurging on a double-wide.
M
Yeah you go after cash handlers these days. The ones picking up money from grocery stores and shit. Needs so much planning and insider knowledge today though because of counter robbery measures like heat lamps inside the transport cases that will instantly burn the cash if any attempt is made to open it outside of specified hours only few people know. Robbery is no longer a common mans game. The bastards ruined it.
S
Another industry ruined by millenials! /s
V
Plus that $500K won’t buy a house in 20 years. Maybe cover the down payment or buy a shack in bumfuck nowhere.
S
I was thinking to buy the house first and go to prison second (500K gets you something quite very decent where I live). Trials take a bit of time so it should work out ? If they’re ok taking suspicious cash, we can probably hasten the procedures.
H
Who makes only $500K in two decades? That’s only $25k/year
O
Certainly? Are you speaking from experience?
S
I have been to a bank before, yes.
O
I bet you have even walked out of one with cash too
S
Maaayyyybe 🤫
M
It should have been all of them until Trump and cronies started to roll back the Dodd Frank act.
E
They robbed a bank on christmas near me in germany, they think right now they stole 30mil worth of cash and items.
F
500k? What are you gunna buy half a house with that? 😥
S
500K is a *very* decent house where I live. Especially in euros. Like, good area, 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, garden, 4 walls?
D
Caveat, you don’t keep the money from robbing a bank and if you store it they can still come after you for it in most instances.
S
>you don’t keep the money from robbing a bank You do if you’re clever enough
T
If you’re clever, you don’t go to prison over it
L
And if you’re cleverer, you can even use the money
C
Idk free tuition tho?
T
The amount you could steal from a bank can buy many tuitions
L
Explain how!
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